don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
