I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize