How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
