Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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