i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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