Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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