I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
