OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
