Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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