I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
