I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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