We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
