remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
