Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
