Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I cut my penus on the lid.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
