If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
