the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
