ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
