If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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