Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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