I must be too annoying 4 u.
People in love make me want to vomit
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
