I could make wine with my vomit
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
