And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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