i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
