she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You had me at "let me see your balls"