are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.