I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.