At least make sure they are 18
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I spit up blood this morning
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.