The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other