I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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