I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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