Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
