Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
