I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
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I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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