im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
