watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
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My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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