I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
be right there i have to get my cape
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
