If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think we might need a safe word for this...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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