please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
