This is not my ceiling
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
