Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
