Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
