I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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