Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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