Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
