We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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