1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
