I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
