Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
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