I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she told me i tasted like america
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
