are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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