atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
