Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
