For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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