So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
