And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think i have two assholes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
