Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
