It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
