her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
