Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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