where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
