hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
