i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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