My first STD was from a foam party
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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