i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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