I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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