Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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