I forgot how hot balto sounded
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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